Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Bar Jokes

I love bar jokes. It probably stems from the first joke I can remember, which was a bar joke:

The toothless termite walked into a bar and asked, "Where's the bar tender?"

I didn't say it was a good joke, I said it was a bar joke.

And it brings me to the subject of bar food.

Back in the day, bars gave away free food--pickled eggs, pretzels, peanuts, crackers, even rolled oysters. They all had at least two of three things in common: they were cheap, they were salty, they were dry.

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see the logic in that. Imagine, if you will, the delight of learning that, not only will these foods make one's customers more thirsty--the customers are willing to pay to be made thirsty! They will pay for what you've been giving away for free!

Now, since this is Fatal Foodies and I am me, let us suppose we have a character who dislikes another character. We want him good and drunk. So we take him to a bar and ply him with dry and salty foods. Before he knows it, he's pie-eyed. We can do whatever we want with him! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!

And, if that doesn't work, we can kill him with bad bar jokes, like:

The three-legged dog walked into a bar and said, "I'm a-lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

MA

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