Tuesday, March 24, 2009

How to Dismember a Pineapple

Some people are intimidated by these spiky guys, but they're easy to deal with if you know how.

First, acquire the pineapple. If you live in an area where pineapples are hunted, you can have some great sport, either tracking them or establishing a blind near one of their watering holes or trails. Otherwise, you can find some excellent whole pineapples for sale at a grocer's. Pick one that's turning gold, but still has some green on it.

Store your pineapple on its side, not standing upright. If you stand it upright, it can start to mold where it was cut from the plant.

Okay, now you're ready to butcher it.

Cut off his head.

Cut off his foots.

Wash your hands and go to the store and get one of these invaluable Devices. No pineapple hunter should be without one.

Use the device thusly, turning in a counter-clockwise direction. I mean turn the DEVICE, not yourself.

The device cuts the rind and the core out of the pineapple all at once. I've disassembled part of the pineapple to show a break-away view and sliced part of it to show how it actually looks when you're done.

Discard the core (unless you like to chew wood), the foot and probably the head. Some people like to plant the head in a pot or a bowl of water and try to grow a pineapple plant. Sometimes it works. Pretty cool, actually.

Cut the rind in half and squeeze the bejeesus out of it. Strain the juice to remove any random bits from the outside of the rind and drink. Mmmmmm.

And there you have it. With the proper tools and the investment of just a little time, you too can enjoy the unforgettable taste of pineapple that doesn't come from a can.



Lisa Hall said...

I'm ready to go hunt some pineapples! I have a summer ritual of planting the leaves from a fresh pineapple. I cut them from the top and put them in a pot of shallow soil. With regular watering they make a nice spiky plant for my screened-in-porch.

Gayle said...

What a funny post, Marian! Also, where do you get one of those thingys? If I had one of those, I might not be afraid to try to dissect one of those critters! ;-)

Dana Fredsti said...

Oh, the juicy goriness of it all!!!!!

Marian Allen said...

I got my pineapple dismemberer at JayC grocery, I do believe. it makes life SO much easier, but a good sharp knife would skin 'em and you'd just have to slice and eat around the core, I guess.