Friday, October 3, 2008

Fatal Foodie Tales From My Recent Travels

As you know, I was in Tulsa this past weekend for the Oklahoma Sugar Art Show. Here are two stories that could fall under our "fatal foodies" heading from my travels:

AVOIDING FATALITY?

Friday afternoon, I was at the Chicago airport. I'd bought a sandwich, drink and chips from one of the vendors and had sat down at my gate to eat when I noticed a large man. He was bald, and although he wore a ball cap, I could see that tattoos covered his head. I could tell mainly because they continued down the sides of his face and neck. He had a long white beard, and I noticed his hands and arms were tattooed as well. He had a letter on each knuckle, but I couldn't tell what the letters were. Somehow I doubt they were "M" "A" "M" "A". Anyway, he caught me looking at him.

I smiled brightly. "Would you like half of this sandwich? It's huge."

"No, thanks."

Later, on the plane, the lady seated next to me asked, "Did you see that man with the tattoos on his head?"

"Yes," I said, nodding. "I offered him half my sandwich."

"You what?!"

"Well," I explained, "he looked like he might go on a rampage any minute; and I figured he wouldn't kill someone who'd offered him part of her lunch."

FATAL FONDANT?

Sunday morning, just before 5 a.m., I was at the Tulsa airport going
through security.

"Ma'am, you'll need to step to the side so we can inspect your luggage."

Confused, I stepped to the side and wondered what in the world would
have triggered a security alert in my little carry-on?

"You may not touch your luggage while it is being searched," I was told.

"Okay."

The latex gloved officer rummaged through my bag and pulled out a
two-pound tub of tutti-frutti fondant I bought at the Oklahoma Sugar
Art Show. She held it up. "What is this?"

"Fondant."

"What's fondant?"

"A highly volatile explosive. It causes fat cells in your body to
expand and blow your 'problem areas' out of proportion."

Okay, no, that is NOT what I said. Ergo, I am not writing this from an Oklahoma jail. Rather, my answer was, "Uh...cake icing."

"Is it a cream?" she asked.

"Uh...I guess."

"You can't carry this on the plane."

"It hasn't been opened," I said, hopefully.

"I know. You need to take this bag downstairs and check it."

"But, will I miss my flight?"

"No, you'll be all right. Take this bag downstairs and check it."

I'm happy to report I did make my flight and my tutti-frutti fondant
and I got home just fine. It is sitting on the counter and has not
blown up. At least, not yet. I did, however, see a man at the Chicago airport with a BLENDER. He could've BLENDED the snot out of someone and hijacked the plane! And, yet, my innocent little tub of fondant was relegated to the cargo hold. Thank goodness, I took advantage of the free shipping offer on my Choco-Pan. :-)

[Notice my "ergo" in the above story. I've been listening to a period piece audio book which makes me want to use words like "ergo" and "forenoon." Hopefully, I will not languish o'er this book, but will finish it anon and return to my normal--such as it is--speech.]

And now, for something really interesting. If you'd like to see a slide show from the Oklahoma Sugar Art Show, please click here and scroll down the page halfway to the "Rock You" slide show. If you need to, mute your speakers because the show is set to music. If you're unable to see the slide show there, you can see a You Tube video my publisher put together from some of my pics. It's cute and it's here.

Hope you enjoy it!


One more quick thing, if any of you would like a free e-book of Murder Takes the Cake, here is my proposal:

I'm offering a free copy of the e-book on CD to any of you who requests your local library to order a copy of the book. The reason is simple: a sale is a sale; and I figure during these tough economic times, a library has more of a book-buying budget than we do. So, if you'd like to participate:

1) Go to your library and ask that they order a copy of Murder Takes the Cake, by Gayle Trent. The ISBN is 978-0-9802453-6-3. The book is published by Belle Books' subsidiary Bell Bridge Books and is distributed by Ingram, Brodart and Baker & Taylor.

2) Send me an e-mail telling me the name of your library and the name of the person with whom you spoke.

3) Be sure and give me your snail mail address so I can send you a copy of the e-book.

4) Read the book, love it, and talk it up to your friends!

Thanks so much!

Sorry this post was so long; but if you think about it, I had two weeks worth of stuff to say. :-)

2 comments:

zhadi said...

Ergo and foresooth, I enjoyed this post! Especially the retort you DIDN'T say to airport security...

Lisa Hall said...

Love the slide show! My little girl was intrigued by all the beautiful cakes.